It has officially been two years since my hubby and I started trying to grow our family. So much has happened in those two years. So many emotions have been felt. So much loss and heartbreak have occurred. I am still in shock that it has been two years. At times I am at a loss that this journey has deviated from where I thought it was going.
I remember two years ago like it was yesterday. My hubby and I were packing up our lives and moving to Oregon. We had both agreed that the time had come for us to make the move and we were both ready and excited. We were ready to see what the Pacific Northwest had to offer us, we were ready to start new lives, and we were ready to throw out the birth control.
The funny thing is..I postponed getting off birth control for a month, because I was afraid I would get pregnant right away and miss my hubbies first Iron Man race in Mexico that winter. Funny, isn’t it. How naive was I to think that as soon as I stopped taking birth control I would get exactly what I wanted. Whats that saying…God laughs at us when we make plans….Well-played God, well-played.
These past two years have taught me so much about love and loss. I have learned that being in a committed and loving relationship while going through grief is work. I have learned that I am stronger than I ever thought. I have learned that I have some of the best girlfriends on the planet. I have learned that when it comes to infertility there are no plans…to take every little step one at a time. And, I have learned that there is nothing more I want than to be a mom.
FIRST ROUND OF IVF
It is here.My first round of IVF has started.
Today marked day 4 of injections and my first follicle scan. Up until this morning I never had any doubt that IVF was going to be my answer. I felt confident that all I needed was chromosome testing and I would be fine. That I would be able to sustain a healthy pregnancy. However, this morning was the first time that I started to doubt that this would work. I am trying to stay as motivated and positive as possible, but I am also scared that there is a chance this won’t work.
How I am feeling
Other than some creeping thoughts of doubt I am feeling good. Yesterday I had a pretty bad headache in the morning, but it went away after a few hours. No bloating yet. This weekend I was feeling a little low and felt overwhelmed by everything. My hubby has been busy working 12 hour days and starting a new business, so his time is pretty tied up. I did have a mild emotional breakdown, but am feeling a little more normal today.
Six follies are growing on each side. A few of them are smaller than the others, but hopefully they catch up.
What I am doing
I am trying to keep myself busy. Today I have my scan, blood draw, and acupuncture appointment. I plan of working in my garden this afternoon and taking the pups for a long walk. This weekend I went and saw a matinee by myself and throughly enjoyed it.