I keep having an eternal battle to stay optimistic. To keep the positive thought train running through my mind and to get myself off this emotional roller coaster. Every morning I wake up and tell myself THIS WILL WORK…THIS HAS TO WORK.
When I was in High School my volleyball coach used to make us lay on the ground and picture ourselves doing the perfect dig or serve. She believed in the power of positive thinking and that if we could picture ourselves doing great then we would do great things when it really mattered.
I have decided to follow this train of thought and believe in the power of positive thinking…as much as I can!
At night and each morning I lay in bed and try to picture what I want to happen during this IVF cycle. I picture my follicles growing to the perfect size and retrieving the perfect amount. I picture a successful transfer. I picture what it would feel like to walk into an ultrasound and actually hear a heartbeat, I imagine the tears of happiness that would flow down my face. I picture my hubby and I raising our child and being blessed each and every day.
But, then doubt creeps in.
I try to imagine what it would feel like to hear the babies heartbeat and I can’t. All I can see are the previous unsuccessful ultrasounds and the heartbreak that came with them. I try to imagine what it’s like to walk into an appointment confident that everything is going according to plan and I can’t. I can’t because it seems that no appointments every go my way.
Go away DOUBT…Just GO AWAY!
I am trying to kick doubt’s butt and imagine all the good things that are going to come from this IVF cycle.
This morning I had my monitoring appointment for my Day 6 of STIMS and it didn’t go exactly as I had hoped. Things are progressing, but not as they had hoped. Not as I had optimistically thought they would.
How I am Feeling
I left my appointment this morning feeling a little down. I know that I will have eggs to retrieve, but I was hoping the number would be higher. I feel greedy that I am not happy with what they saw and that I am always wanting more. For the rest of the day I am trying to put everything out of my mind and just focus on being happy.
At the moment they see 8 follicles that are growing as planned. There are 4 small follicles, but they are not optimistic that they will grow by the retrieval date. On my right side I have 5 good sized follies and the left has 3.
What I AM Doing
Trying to stay positive. I am headed out to the garden store to help take my mind off the appointment today and distract myself.