Monday was harder on me than I thought. I didn’t get all the answers that I was looking for and CCRM was not the magical place that I thought it would be. I thought I would walk through the double doors to the clinic and be greeted by answers….lot’s of answers, but nope.
Our initial consultation was scheduled with Dr. K last week on Wednesday, and my full day work up wasn’t for another 5 days. We are fortunate to have friends that live in Colorado Springs and Boulder so we were able to spend the days in between with them.
When we were booking our full day work up they needed to schedule testing for Day 3 of my cycle and I let them know that usually I am around 30 days per cycle, but after a miscarriage it is very unpredictable. However, they had me book the appointment regardless with the hopes that my time of month would come on schedule. Biggest FAIL, but I’ll get to that in a moment.
First thing in the morning of our full day work up my hubby and I had to sit through an IVF class with other couples who looked just as overwhelmed as we did. The IVF class was a wast of time as most of there have already been through a failed IVF cycle and we all understand how it works. Plus, doing another IVF cycle is so far down the road for me; I just wanted a second opinion before I transfer my last two embies. After the initial IVF class overview we had to sit down with our assigned nurse to go over an enormous folder of paperwork that basically reviews the IVF procedures with CCS …again, what a wast of time. Our assigned nurse was amazing, caring, and very empathetic with our situation. She shared with me that she herself had struggled for many years with secondary infertility. At least that made me feel comfortable with her.
The following appointment was an in depth ultrasound to measure blood flow and to check out my arcuate uterus to measure the septum. My blood flow didn’t look amazing, but it was around average and my septum was within the normal range. So no answers there.
Here is where the day took a very dark turn for me.
They had me get ready for my hysteroscopy which I was already nervous for as I have heard it is uncomfortable. The nurse prepping me asked for the third time that day if my period had come and as I had already told the other nurses all morning…No, it didn’t come. She proceeded to ask me if there was a chance I am pregnant and I shut that down quickly as there isn’t the faintest chance of that. She left the room and 10 minutes later came back in with Dr. K who informed me that she didn’t want to do the hysterocopy or the HSG because my period never came.
I was then told to proceed to my next scheduled appointment even though my hubby was still in his appointment. Turned out my next scheduled appointment was to meet with an egg donor counselor. WHAT THE F*@#. That is not what we discussed with Dr. K, she mentioned having us sit down with a surrgoacy counselor to learn more about that process if we need it, but not to learn about the egg donor process. The egg donor nurse was very polite and said I have no idea why they scheduled this as you don’t look like a candidate who needs an egg donor, so then she told me she would try to schedule me with the surrogacy counselor if they had time. We did end eventually end up meeting with the surrogacy counselor and boy is that process overwhelming and expensive. UGH!
At this point I felt so overwhelmed with emotions that it was so hard to fight back the tears. I had been in Colorado for a week spending hard earned money for an appointment that was going nowhere. My frustrations, disappointment, and sadness was starting to take over. I could barely talk without tears welling up inside me. My assigned nurse found me and I had to hold back the tears as I explained to her that I was feeling like I was wasting my time and money. I had told them on the phone prior to my appointment that my period would more than likely not come on time and they only mentioned the need for my Day 3 testing. There was no mention of not being able to perform the HSG or Hysteroscopy. Two of the main tests that she had talked about this entire time.
In the end we decided to forgo doing any of the blood work at CCRM as it would be around $800 for the both of us and that is just ridiculous. So, we are going to do the blood work, HSG, and Day three testing back in Oregon. It is so much cheaper to do it that way, but so much more work. Plus, by this point I was so emotionally drained that I just wanted out of the clinic. I just wanted to walk back out those double doors and sink into bed.
We did sit down with Dr. K and discuss what our next steps would be (even without all of the testing). Initially we had talked about shipping our embryos out to Colorado and doing the transfer with them, but after talking more in depth my hubby and I have decided against it. The transfer protocol at CCRM isn’t much different from my current clinic and I don’t feel like it would make a difference.Plus, there is always a chance of something going wrong in shipping and we could potentially loose our embryos.I just can’t risk that. Before our transfer I am going to do the HSG and possibly the hysteroscopy. Dr. K did throw out that maybe we should just go straight into another round of IVF, but I don’t feel comfortable with that knowing that we have two healthy embryos. So, we are going to go forward with the transfer and if that doesn’t work then we will go back to Colorado and pursue another round of IVF with them.
While I didn’t feel that CCRM was everything I had hoped it would be, I am glad that we got a second opinion before jumping into our next transfer. I am trying to remain hopeful that my next transfer will be my last and it will work, but part of me knows that nothing so far has gone my way. So, here’s to hoping!