This morning I found myself having a moment.
A sit in my car, feel sorry for myself, and cry alone moment.
As I sat in my car in my RE’s parking lot I couldn’t help but think…… you have to be kidding me. Am I really in this same position again? It’s a new FREAKING year, but here I am in the same position I have been for the third time.
I found myself at my RE’s office because, blood work had to be done to make sure that my HCG levels were dropping accordingly. Fingers crossed they are….this lady doesn’t need a drawn out loss. It happened naturally over the holidays and I would like to leave that in 2015. Not let it cross over in 2016 and the hope I have for this year.
Just so you know, I didn’t wake up feeling sorry for myself.
When I awoke this morning I felt fine…felt ready for another day. The pity party came after my blood draw lady, professionally known as a phlebotomist, screwed up the easy one vial blood draw. It took her two tries to get it right and they were painful attempts where she wiggled around the needle in my vein. OUCH, not pleasant. The other lady at my clinic is amazing and I have never had any issues with her, but this one gal has done this before….twice. I’m starting to think I should request my favorite blood draw gal from now on. You know you are knee deep in the crap of infertility when you have a favorite blood drawing lady. That is not something most people even think about.
So, that started the flow of tears and the pity party. The realization that I have many more blood draws to come. It’s just begun. Then came the thoughts of WTF…why me? Why am I being tested, again? Why weren’t the past 3 years and five losses my test? Why did we have to throw in another loss to test my strength, my love for jesus, and my marriage?
It’s crazy where your mind can go while sitting in your freezing car in the RE’s parking lot.
Well, I had my moment and now I am ready to move forward….
my forward motion will lead me to Nordstroms to do a little retail therapy.
A strong person is not the one who doesn’t cry. A strong person is the one who cries & sheds tears for a moment, then gets up and fights again.