Infertility generates pain and it’s pretty unavoidable. I try to disguise my pain with a smile or pretend that it’s not there, but it is always there. It’s constantly there.
It is constantly there, because…..
Each month that goes by and i’m not pregnant is painful. Every pregnancy that ends suddenly is painful. Every question that I have to dodge regarding my infertility is painful. And, spending time with friends who aren’t empathetic to my situation is painful.
While I can’t control the pain, I have learned that I can control my suffering. Up until recently I suffered alone in silence. I didn’t let many people in on my infertility journey and shared very little with those who knew some of my story. I felt I couldn’t share my journey, because friends who have never walked the journey of infertility just wouldn’t understand. No-one can really understand the pain and suffering that infertility causes until they are deep in the trenches of it.
So, for the first time in three years I decided to reach out and join an infertility support group. I have looked up groups before, but never could bring myself to attend one as I honestly thought my struggles with infertility were coming to an end. But, my journey is still ongoing and I have realized that the end of it is still out on the horizon. I found a Resolve group that meets close to me and I sucked it up and I went to a meeting.
And, I am so glad I did.
For the first time I was surrounded by others who understood the pain that I have been experiencing. I found a group of woman and some husbands who were empathetic to what I was going through, because they were also going through something very similar. While we were all on different parts of our journey we had the common theme of grief and pain. We had the common theme of keeping our journey guarded from friends because sometimes sharing it just to0 hard.
These women were empathetic as they understood what it’s like to fall down on your bathroom floor in the middle of the night overcome with the grief of infertility. They understood the obsession that takes ahold of your life as you wait for the next part of your infertility journey to begin. They understand what it’s like to stay away from friends or events, because you are not sure you can handle the social scene anymore.
I can almost kick myself that I didn’t attend one of these meetings earlier on in my fertility journey. If I had attended a meeting earlier I maybe wouldn’t have felt so alone for so long.
If you are still in the trenches of Infertility, IVF, or RPL then I highly reccomend you look up your local RESOLVE group (or another fertility support group) and find the support to help ease some of your suffering. Because, I am so glad that I did.