This year for National Infertilty Awarness Week the theme is Start Asking. What do we want others to ask us regarding our personal journies with infertility or for me, repeat pregnancy loss.
Last week when I finally decided to put something on Facebook regarding my struggles with infertility I got the same response, I don’t know what to say. Friends feel uncomfortable brining up my infertility struggles and I feel uncomfortable when they don’t. I’ve had friends tell me that they feel weird brining it up or they just really don’t know what to say at all. And, it’s not a good feeling when your friends start to feel awkward around you or you feel they are tip toeing around the very large elephant in the room.
When I finally sat down and started thinking about what I wanted others to start asking me it took me a while to decide, what did I want them to ask me. Did I want them to ask me about the process of IVF? Did I want them to ask me what it feels like when your constantly stuck in a TWW? Or did I want them to ask me why I feel so lonely and so isolated at all times?
For me, I realized that I just wanted friends to ask me how they can be there for me and ask me what I need from them to keep this friendship strong as I deal with some very heavy stuff. I want friends to ask and not be silent and to bring it up if they are wondering what is happening in my journey at the moment.
I remember after my second miscarriage I had a girlfriend call me and say she is brining me coffee and we can talk about it if we want, but we don’t have to. That gesture meant so much to me. I didn’t have to ask her to come over and she was wise enough to know that maybe I wasn’t ready to talk, but she would be there if I was. She didn’t have to ask, she just knew that at that moment I needed someone to be there for me.